It's Ok To Not Be Ok

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Do not ask me if I am ok.

I’m not. My world was turned upside down. I got sucker punched. I’ve fallen flat on my face. I struggle to rise, and I’m not okay.

So don’t ask.

Because I know what you want me to say:

“I’m fine, thank you.”
“I’ll get through it.”
“One day at a time.”
“It’s all good.”

But those are lies, and the truth is harder to hear. If I tell you the truth, you will feel the need to respond with some clever answer or an inspiring piece of advice or your own story which I don’t want to hear.

So, don’t ask.

That way, you don’t have to fix me. I’m not fixable. You will only feel defeated and misunderstood when I don’t respond to your words. It’s not personal. I am unable to hear what you are saying because my grief is too much for any words.

So, don’t ask.

Please, let me be. Let me sit alone with this heaviness. I don’t want to burden you with its weight. This is my selfless gift to you even though you view it as rejection. If I let you in right now, I will feel guilty for my unresponsiveness to your presence and words, and I can’t take on anymore weight.

So, don’t ask.

Instead, give me space. This is a journey I need to walk alone. This grief I feel is personal and sacred, and I will honor it by feeling it fully which will look ugly and painful and raw. I’m going to unplug from life. I don’t want your beautiful eyes exposed to my distorted photos. When I return from my grief, I will be better for it. I will love more deeply, act more kindly, and appreciate more fully.

I’m not okay–and that’s okay.

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