Suddenly losing a loved one is a shock that stays on with us forever. We struggle with regrets of things we could have said or done differently in those last moments. We tend to beat our emotional selves – if I had a chance to plan, it could have been better. But the reality is that planning a funeral, and knowing that you’re losing your loved one soon, is equally hard.
Being a part of a company that’s changing the way people communicate about a passing makes us automatically stay more aware of these details that people struggle with. Recently, we came across one such dilemma that was shared online. We found a tough question addressed to an online community:
My dad’s about to die and is already planning his funeral. How do I keep myself from being depressed?
My Dad’s Dying And Planning A Funeral. What Should I Do?
Acknowledge your pain – It’s okay to feel bad and let yourself experience the pain. It is a devastating feeling. You’re not in an easy situation and you do not have to judge yourself for seeking help. That’s okay.
Talk to your friends and family – In times where we struggle internally, sometimes it’s easier to talk with the cosmic void of the Internet. We feel no one is judging us and our questions will be out in the open. It takes far more effort to talk to people who know us, and understand our contextual realities more keenly. While it is more effort, it is also more rewarding. Talking with friends and family provides the validation we need to tell ourselves that it’s okay to share our deepest fears. Pick up the phone, call, text- reach out to those who matter and share your feelings.
Meet your friends – Sitting all by yourself at home isn’t going to change the situation. Sometimes stepping away and actually spending time outside of your current surroundings allows you to get a breath of fresh air that you need. You also ensure your perspectives get a quick refresh.
Make funeral planning simpler – Make your life easy by focusing on what matters instead of working with details that should be simpler. Hire a funeral director who can help you with the final planning. Plan how you’re going to communicate with your community. Make life easy for yourself and your loved one. Don’t get hung up on logistics when you should be focused on yourself and your loved one.
Focus on what matters most
Spend time with the ones you love – The anti-dote to anxiety is being grateful. You may not be able to spent many more years with your loved one. But you have the luxury of today, and hopefully a few more days. Instead of burying yourself with worry, what if you made a list of things you wanted to experience with your loved one while they’re still here. Eat an ice-cream, go for a bike ride, walk along the beach, watch a funny movie together, sing, dance, go watch a game you grew up watching, recreate a childhood memories, write letters to each other, draw, color, fill up your day with conversations and photos. Focus on living our every single moment while you have it. What else do we need in our lives?